Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love.
Self talk is a powerful determiner of how we feel in life.
It’s even more powerful than fate itself.
The problem is that we’re often not conscious of who’s talking—which part of our psyche is mouthing off.We just unconsciously identify with it, and suffer the bad effects—depression, anxiety, frustration, anger, violence, addiction, etc.
Sometimes the negative talker isn’t even consciously apparent to us. An example is when someone says they’re depressed “for no reason.”
To break the cycle, you have to hack into and expose your internal dialogue. The first step is mindful awareness: You’re not the talker or even the thinker; you are awareness.
Use your awareness to observe and study who in you is talking.
Don’t just work on how you criticize yourself, identify which part of you does this.
Is it your internalization of your father, mother, sibling, friend, partner, teacher, boss, co-worker, or the collective mindset of your culture instilled in you and amplified in the media?
The second step is to talk back to the talker.
Engage. Tell it to shut up. Say, “ouch,” if it’s hurtful. Challenge it. Debate it. Maybe even learn something from it. But don’t be in the dark with it.
The third step is to replace the talker with a lover. Talk to yourself with the love that people you love bring out in you.
Be the loving gatekeeper between your critic and you.
This will require a combination of strength toward the critic and love toward yourself.
Return to this process daily, and you’ll develop a more positive internal relationship.
Adversity leads us down one of two paths—retreating into less or growing into more.
Which path are you on?
You can make a conscious choice of the one you want to take.
If you choose the path of growth, use adversity as your rocket fuel for change.
Don’t run away from your problems—run toward them.
Engage with them.
Talk to them.
Learn from them.
Visualize yourself on the other side of the chasm you stand before, and use the image to inspire and motivate you.
Fear is your teacher trying to shock you out of your complacency by terrifying you!
Challenge is your guru trying to wake you up to your awesome potential!
Bad luck and trouble are the catalysts for your evolution.
Believe in the power of transformation.
Every day you must choose between fear or growth.
Whether you consciously experience fear or not, it defines you in many ways.
It determines who you are and what you can do in life.
We tend to orient our lives in ways that avoid our fears, and in doing so, quash our natural growth.
In fact, it’s such an automatic process, we often don’t even know what our fears are.
Fear happens at the edge between who you are now and who your process is trying to get you to be.
Fear is your calling. It’s saying, “Yo! This is where the gold is!”
Ask yourself what personal growth changes scare you.
Then, instead of avoiding, rationalizing, or running away from your fear, turn into it.
Hunt it and confront it.
Over the last 100 years psychologists have invoked various machines to try to illustrate how the mind works.
Clocks, looms, telephone switchboards, and more recently, computers, have been used to picture the mind’s functions.
The idea is that experiencing a life problem is like having a software glitch that needs to be fixed.
But the mind doesn’t adhere to this kind of mechanistic model.
Your mind isn’t a cause-and-effect machine with programs that are set in stone like a computer’s.
It’s an intangible, fluid process that can create, change, and destroy it’s own patterns and programs at any moment.
It’s a shapeshifter!
It’s fuel is meaning, and your life is governed by what things mean to you.
A computer doesn’t give a crap about what things mean; one piece of data is exactly the same as another.
A more accurate and useful model of the mind is music.
Music is a dynamic, fluid process that functions according to emotional meaning, not set mechanistic interactions.
Having a problem doesn’t mean something in you is broken and needs to be fixed; it means there’s a meaningful process in you trying to come to your awareness.
Depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, etc. aren’t mistakes in your life like computer errors; they’re signs of personal transformation trying to happen.
They’re the seeds of your song!